IMAGINE for a wonderful moment that last year never happened, that it was merely the figment of some writer’s imagination – a writer who then decided to pitch his/her idea Covid, the TV Series to the showrunner of a major US network. The pilot episode would be quite straightforward:
The writer sets the scene. ‘Funded by shady international figures, a biowarfare lab in – let’s say China – is experimenting with gain-of-function research …’
Showrunner: ‘What’s gain of function research?’
Writer: ‘It’s the medical alteration of an organism or disease in a way that increases pathogenesis, transmissibility or host range …’
Showrunner: ‘Why would anyone want to do that? Ok, never mind, go on, go on …’
Writer: ‘The biowarfare lab successfully weaponises a common-or-garden coronavirus, the containment of which – like nuclear pollution emanating from Chernobyl – turns out to be beyond their capabilities.
‘Before they can stop it, the weaponised coronavirus escapes the lab and is spreading across the globe – aided by the Chinese New Year – where it then rips through the weak and the elderly in hospitals and care homes, because not only did hospitals turn out to be super-spreaders, but because the elderly who caught the disease were then dumped back into the care homes by the Health and Social Care Secretary of the day.’
Showrunner: ‘C’mon, no way could a lead character be that dumb. Nobody’s gonna like this guy. He’s an idiot.’
Undaunted, the writer ploughs through the next few episodes, explaining how some dodgy British scientists try to bury the lab-leak story.
‘Then, four days after the gain-of-function coronavirus is downgraded (and knowing that it killed predominantly the over-80s), the Prime Minister of the day solemnly announces to the nation that coronavirus is the biggest threat the country has faced for decades and that people of all ages must stay home …’
Showrunner: ‘How many people have died of the disease at this stage?’
Writer: ‘One hundred and seventy-seven.’
The showrunner looks confused. The writer jumps in before another question is asked. READ MORE
